Estrogen and breakups = a lot of tears

Yeah, my engagement is over. She fell in love with another woman, a friend of mine actually – I even introduced them to each other. It wasn’t cheating. There was honesty and openness throughout the whole process. We briefly tried to do the poly thing but my now-ex partner and her new love just can’t do poly and want to be exclusive, so that leaves me out of the picture. Shucks. I just moved in a few months ago so I’m stuck wondering what’s gonna happen. I’m not getting kicked out right away but it’s gonna be weird living with my now-ex. It’s been hard. It is hard.

I’m still processing things – crying a good deal. Oscillating between feeling crushed inside and sad vs being icy and cold, closing myself off emotionally to what’s happening before my eyes, literally watching a relationship die. But now I’m calculating future possibilities. A whole new horizon has opened before me as the past 9 months melt away behind me. Old possibilities have died and new ones have opened up. In a weird way I’m excited for the future – the breathless anxiety of not knowing where I’ll be in a year.

Once again after the break-up of a serious relationship (I’m divorced) I am left with a dark cynical view of relationships. I will not jump into things so quickly again. Or I will try not to – the logical side of my mind does not always win against the almighty force of emotion.

On the bright side, during our little poly experiment I met a girl who is quite awesome – I really hope things work out – I really like her. She’s giving me hope that the future won’t be so bleak after all. She’s poly. And kinky. And smart. And successful. And beautiful. And she’s also a huge metal head (like me). So yeah – I hope it works out *crosses fingers*


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